Oh Wow, I'm THAT Mom

I've done a lot of babysitting in my day. I was always the sweet kid on the block, the mature girl at school, the responsible teenager at church. I worked at a daycare when I was 16 and as a nanny when I was 21. I was the primary 2nd counselor in my last ward and I was just called to be the primary secretary in my current ward.

No surprise there.

I've basically had the word "babysitter" plastered on my forehead since I was 11-years-old.

And I always found it a bit funny when I was given extremely specific instructions from the mothers on how to care for their young children.

So let me get this straight: You want me to give your child a pacifier if he cries, bounce him if he's fussy, pop in "Baby Einstein" if he's unhappy, and put him to bed when he rubs his eyes?

Why didn't I think of that?

Well look who's the crazy mama now!

Kyle's been trying to get me to leave Lydia with a neighbor so we can go on a date for a while now.

My excuse: I've never left her with anyone except family members.

And really, the list of verbal instructions I irrationally feel compelled to leave are so exhausting for all involved.

I'm all like: 

Lydie really likes toys so if you switch it up she'll stay happy for a while, but the pink elephant is her favorite so if you give her that you can basically do whatever you want for 20 minutes breath if you don't take her outside she might get a little unhappy, because she's used to going outside multiple times a day, but if it's cold be sure to give her a blanket, and if it gets hot while you're out you can take off her pants breath she eats approximately every 2-3 hours, but if she wants to eat before that she can; I started giving her baby food last week, but she gets too messy with that so just put really hot water in a cup and put her bottle in that for 3ish minutes to warm it up...don't use the microwave because that's bad breath change her diaper whenever it feels kind of soggy or whenever she goes #2, but be sure to wipe down as opposed to up or else the doctor says she'll get an infection breath she takes a 2 hour morning nap, a 2 hour afternoon nap, and goes to bed around 7; she likes to be rocked to sleep while she drinks her bottle, so be sure to turn her sideways and into your arm so she knows it's bedtime breath if she falls asleep in your arms don't burp her because that will wake her up, but you know, if she's acting like she wants to be burped then go ahead breath lay her down on her stomach in her crib because she won't go to sleep on her back or without her binky, but she pulls the binky out of her mouth so you kind of have to wrap her hand with the blanket so she knows not to pull it out breath she'll usually spit the binky out though, so if she does that just walk away and let her cry for 2 minutes before trying to give it to her again; you can repeat this 3-5 times before giving up and rocking her to sleep, but if she wakes up after she's already fallen asleep she should take the binky the first time.

Aren't you tired? I freakin' am.

What I just said in a nutshell: Lydia likes toys, going on walks, not being cold, eating, napping, binkies, and sleeping on her stomach.

Wowza.

Unique right?

Is this assumption that I'm the only one who knows how to take care of my child a normal occurrence in new mothers, or am I just psycho?

Either way, Kyle convinced me to let our neighbor Eric come over a few weeks ago to watch Lydie so we could go on a date.

He was the first non-family member to do so. 

Don't you feel special, Eric?

We ate at Chilis and saw the movie "Moneyball."

As for the movie? Meh.

3 hours of flirting and holding hands with the hubs? Yes, please.

Learning how to not freak out when I leave my child? Work. In. Progress.